……as told to me, back in 2016….
THE PROBLEM ISN’T ON THE OUTSIDE BUT ON THE INSIDE.
Why do many of us seemingly fall to the on-waiting prey of being the “know-it-all” of those close (st) to us?
I know it can be all unconsciously harmless and innocent but in the end, we end up digging up what should have remained buried!
All human beings, by DEFAULT SETTINGS, have some kind of SHIELD in them that they use to jealously PROTECT themselves against EMOTIONAL harm that can be brought unto them by any other SPECIMEN.
Many-a-time, we look on the outside, at least that’s what or all we can see, and end up forgetting about the inside! Many of us wish if we could find a way to see deep down into other individuals because we are thinking it’s the only easy way we can actually help out our loved ones.
Parents can best understand this when it comes to their children, for example. They are ready to kill a lion that’s infesting it’s teeth into their child’s flesh and at the same time, are ready to feed their child to the hungry lion to make them a lovely meal! How ironic!!!
Even my best friend may not be able to understand what I am going through, on a daily. I wonder what really causes that! Can this all be attributed to having an inner problem that hasn’t been handled yet? Could it be rooting from our deep-sited secrets?
Here’s some small advice for our elders in our society, from us, your “kids”: Love is what we need from you….not only today, tomorrow or the other day! We need it EVERYDAY from you in LIFE-THREATENING DOSES and without “DIVISIONS” in it! At the same time, by demanding and needing this MEGA-DOSE of love, we don’t mean the “physical love” but that one that touches and appeals to the heart. For any African parent or one that was “bred” here, buying me gifts, paying for my school fees, providing food and a roof over me is what’s considered physical love.
May we be honest here? That’s not the kind of love we need from you. We need the love that touches our hearts and glues unto our minds forever, without having to force it. You can begin off with the tiny things like:
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…hugging us more often, intimately talking to us about how our day was, what were the interesting things about the day, any new friends we made, the troubles we met, sharing a meal with us, discussing our crushes and those “pipoz” we have developed feelings for, holding our hands as we take a walk, reading to us to bed, waking us up with a peck to the cheek, trying to provide us with those very essentials we need or crave for…
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What happens to us, when we are troubled with something? Do you pay any attention to those things we never talk about or “sigh” about? A few of you do so but unfortunately act, contrary! Many a time, you engulf us into your roll-coaster of personal opinions, prejudices, feelings and courses of action and end up “gravitating” the issue! Let’s use the example of Edgar that has grown up in a strict family setting.
In this family, children aren’t allowed to answer back at the elders, engage in any kind of relationships with those of the opposite sex unless you’ve gotten special permission to do that kind of thing! I get to school and along the way, I manage to develop or “grow” these feelings for this girl that comes from a “welcoming” or inclusive family. The feelings get to grow deeper by the day and during this time, my parents get to discover about what’s happening in my “bubbly-world-of romantic feelings”! I am seriously and violently reprimanded from getting into contact with my girl, ever again. Do you notice the problem(s) at hand here?
- My very guarded parents haven’t explained their course of action to me, have they?
- How about my feelings? Do they really matter here?
- Have they taught me how to go about and deal with this new tidal of feelings popping into my life?
- Most of all, do two wrongs make a right? Getting violent or physical with me may not be able to solve the issues at hand for me, correct?
You do realize these questions and answers speak directly to my heart, not my “body” as my parent sees it! Minus the answers, am worthless or less, worse off than where I began from. This is where the repetitive access to dependable and accurate information is needed! When a child gets access to this information, right from childhood, and their parent can actually stand a very big chance of communicating to the child’s heart and receiving appropriate advice hence having less work to do in the “future” when the child has ascertained some level of independent thinking.
Photo credit: Faces Up Uganda
Deal with the problem on the inside, the one(s) outside shall respectively sort themselves, proportionately!
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